I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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