he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she peed on how many people?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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