She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
