I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
