More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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