You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
