I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
