youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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