this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
