I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
is it fun? or sober?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
