eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
