he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
