operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
