glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
