can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
