were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
