some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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