there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
