oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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