So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
