He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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