i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
