No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
