Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
