You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
