Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
