Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
