im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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