hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
