Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
