One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
