I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
