There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
