Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just high enough for therapy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
