I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
