He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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