I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize