drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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