meet me or not, i'm out of control
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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