I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
