im drinking this country out of the recession.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize