I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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