You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
