Everything about him screamed your future.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
