omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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