We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My vagina is very pro this idea
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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