Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
