A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
