i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
