I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
