My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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