i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
