Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
