She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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