On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
