My balls are so social today.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
