I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
