You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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