Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize