why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
