I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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