I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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