Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
