I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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