I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
