Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
