The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
