in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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