Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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