so explain again why im purple
no
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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